Revolutionary

 Ever since I read "1984" for a book report at the continuation school I was sent to for truancy in my senior year of high school, Orwell's words have been Gold to me. I needed to make up two semesters of English credits to obtain my diploma and when offered the option of book reports on how to do so, I chose his prophetic dystopian novel to begin the process. When submitted at the beginning of a class a day after finishing the book, the teacher read the report and called me to their desk to discuss what I had written. "What are you doing here, writing something like this?" I told them that when the standard curriculum in the first semester dictated I read Shakespeare, I told that teacher I would not read that shit and was advised I'd not pass the class. I stopped going, hence the truancy issue. After being told that I would be done with obtaining credit to graduate by writing a number of similar reports, I scratched them out rapidly from books I'd already digested. I was done with high school a couple of months before my peers, thanks to Orwell, Stephen King, Joseph Wambaugh, Ken Kesey, Ken Follett, and a few others.

 When I first spotted the above meme a few years ago, it was saved for a few reasons beyond being more Orwell Gold. While it's seemingly more germaine today than it was when Orwell was still attached to his mortal coil, the truth of those words have rung throughout the (de)evolution of humankind. The acceleration of misinformation and other truth-dodging matter in this day and age of accessible information is undoubtedly increasing. If the truth is not spoken, the future seems rather bleak and I don't do bleak very well.

 The association with cycling in this light contains many facets. Though some of my posts based on simple etiquette subjects are most definitely of a ranty nature, the unfiltered observations are truthful. Ignorance in this age of information is self-imposed, especially when so many have a virtual Encyclopedia in their hand. How do mountain biking people not know how to yield the trail properly on a singletrack when searching "The Fruita Lean" online takes less than a second? When AI knows something like this and a trail user doesn't, it speaks volumes about that user's contribution to the Idiocracy, most likely omnipresent in all aspects of their degradation to civilized society. Yeah, turn on your apphole craphole, but don't bother with how to recreate without destroying the environment you choose to degrade with self-imposed ignorance. The Idiocracy is real and furthered by the self-indulgent.

 Do I consider myself a revolutionary? No, and as far as I'm concerned the truth should not be considered as such. Orwell's words seem to me as an observation about mainstream public perception. The "mainstream" has been buried under a quagmire of bullshit for centuries, heaping up at an accelerated pace. My own experiences of living outside the proverbial box lessens that quagmire in my life and as such, is where I reside comfortably as just some dude on a bike.

Riders Come and Go, Kooks Accumulate 

Reppin'

 The branding bombardment created by corporate hype has become immense beyond imagination to this child of the 1960's. Not having a television as a youngster during that period of America must amplify this within me in comparison to most others who misspent their youth in the same time period. Instead of launching into a diatribe, I'll just go ahead and say it. Unless you are a friend, family, or something that aligns with my personal moral compass, fuck your branding and logos. That said, if we happen to cross paths on two wheels, you'll not see any logos of shitty corporate cookie-cutterdom or branding of any bicycle fuckery on my bikes or person.

"Names is for tombstones, baby..." - Mr. Big to James Bond

The Barge

 Bargers Gonna Barge, as the above deviant did off-road in Death Valley National Park. It seems fitting that they have a tailgate pad for shuttling bicycles, which does not leave me wondering how they most likely conduct themselves whilst astride their mountain bikes. There are many forms of the barge in the mountain bike realm and all of them have one thing in common, they are perpetrated by uncaring egotists.

 The Trailhead Barges also takes on many forms, the most common being the overbearingly loud music barge. Irregardless of what the barger is listening to, who gives a flying fuck what music pumps you up for a ride? Headphones were made for a reason, to prevent others from having to listen to your Kenny G at the trailhead. A more peculiar trailhead barge is the dipshit who parks right up on your vehicle in an otherwise empty parking lot. I've had to move my vehicle to be able to load bikes on several occasions such as this. We could also add the trailhead lot speeders and Mickey Thompson wannabes, raising dust clouds for everyone to choke on as their clapped-out Subaru coughs and sputters through it all. Sad

 On the trail, the most egregious barge to Riders IMO is the "taking a break and as others approach going the same direction, jumping back on the bike and taking off" syndrome. This is most often accomplished by subpar mountain bikers who believe their own bullshit. They also tend to not yield to Riders that they have jumped out on who wish to pass, unless vociferously commanded to do so. The most obvious barge is those who don't comprehend and/or just ignore the basics of yielding the trail properly. These booger-eaters barge on everyone and anyone, most often habitually. Though there are several other on-trail barges, such as cutting corners and other craptastic trail-widening kook maneuvers, one other is worth special mention. It's akin to the yielding issues, however is largely based on misogyny. Many littledick male mountain bikers will not allow their fragile egos be "bested" by female Riders. I've witnessed this many times over the years and have had to call perpetrators out for it several times. Of course this is a case where someone who believes their own bullshit, basing their misdeed solely on the gender of the Rider who wishes to pass. Again, Sad

 The Localism Barge is the most odd to me. It reeks of ineptitude in most cases I've witnessed, whereas those who commit these acts of idiocy seemingly wish to convey some demented version of "I'll show them!" In one place I previously frequented, the "locals" committed barges almost every time I was there. The most amusing to me was when they tried to jump on my wheel and were left choking on dust. It became so bad, I joined an app just to let them know how truly lame they are. The practitioners of this particular barge rarely stray from the comfort of their realm and in the quest to rule their pissant domain, shall forever be condemned to mediocrity at best. Yeah, Sad

Riders Come and Go, Kooks Accumulate

Where My Bike Takes Me

Above 12,000 feet Mean Sea Level in the majestic Colorado San Juan Mountains

 

Riders Come and Go, Kooks Accumulate

Dumb Downers

 We've all seen it, parts of trails where those with a lack of regard for both their limited skillset and proper trail etiquette have dumbed-down a singletrack into either a braided mess, or twelve foot wide abomination that even a novice ATVer could traverse with ease. One may classify this as trail sanitization, as it most certainly is, however I feel that this is far more prevalent than the misguided work of foolish individuals who tear rocks out of a slightly (or highly) technical section trail bed to suit their own lack of abilities.

Why this form of trail destruction is more prevalent would be that it takes much less effort, in fact it's most often as simple as not heeding to the basic trail etiquette tenet, "Control Your Bicycle". Those who actually control their bicycles on a singletrack stay in the tread, taking care ("care" being key) to not cut corners, blow turns, or braid the trail from the originally designed trail bed. The Dumb Downers are a horribly narcissistic lot and their misguided deeds destroy public trail resources seemingly everywhere.

 The motivations of the Dumb Downers are most likely very broad, however ego appears to be the main cause. Egotistical individuals don't like to admit they lack skill, etiquette or fitness, amongst other qualities that responsible trail users often possess. One of the most common old school rules of the trail is, "If you can't ride it, walk it.". The fragile ego of a Dumb Downer is unable to accept this age-old rule and thus will modify the trail to suit themselves, with zero regard for the public lands they are denigrating. In the case of ego-driven Appholes in this light, one person may have the (dis)ability to turn a singletrack into a truck trail width route through repetitive abuses, just to feed their ego and attain the joke status of "legend" or some other bullshit level of Appholiness. Pathetic 

 The moral of the story here (as it appears everywhere in the MTB realm) is to respect our public lands and if you don't, find another hobby. The true enthusiasts begin with respect for themselves, their (RL, not some internet garbage-bin) community, and the facilities we all are supposed to share. Remember, just because you can't navigate a portion of trail, it doesn't mean that others lack that ability. If you are a Dumb Downer, please heed the first sentence of this paragraph, or toss ego aside and LEARN. Though I've participated in an MTB lifestyle for several decades now, I refuse to stop learning and seek out trails that probably frighten egotists because pushing my bike up what I may not be able to ride cleanly today is a place where tomorrow may be the day my desire to learn gives it what for.

Riders Come and Go, Kooks Accumulate

Appholes

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you." - Lao Tzu

 Lao Tzu, with confirmation that even ancient dick-measurers were scorned. I'm not sure that modern day scorn is as prevalent though because of the narcissistic hordes who are attempting to normalize this type of behavior. The abusers of digital applications who are concerned merely with measuring and have little to no regard for the trails and other trail users where they perpetrate their foul misdeeds are a problem and have been since the birth of those platforms.

 When the first app arrived and I was made aware of it, red flags immediately entered my thoughts. I had hoped that most would use it to track *their own* progress, but knew the measurers would emerge and do their worst to destroy trail surfaces and the public image of cyclists on singletrack trails. It wasn't too difficult to be prophetic and the predicted results mushroomed rapidly. I swore to never participate and denigrated both it and the trail abusing measurers whenever provided with the opportunity to do so.

 I kept doing my thing and was mindful of avoiding both the trails that the measurers frequented and/or times of day they were committing their selfish crimes against public lands. This worked most of the time, but at one particular trail system I frequented to shake down new builds, dust off Winter cobwebs, or show friends a thing or two about handling a bicycle in the dirt, the Philistines seemed to be omnipresent. These cretins began acting curiously with various transgressions, such as cutting in front of me at trail intersections, *trying* to ride my wheel and throwing shade in all kinds of kooky manners. It was as if I were an invading force and they brought it to the point where I felt that if that's what they wanted, well then I'll give it to them.

 After one day on the aforementioned trail system that had a most egregious transgression occur, I went home and signed up for the app I knew these fuckers were jerking off to. The basic ins and outs of it were studied briefly and like a coiled rattler, I waited. Not too long afterwards, the time had arrived when there was nobody else there and the conditions were just about perfect. My deevice got turned on, the app started and I just did my regular thing. The end result was not very surprising, though I knew I had a few sessions in this place where my speeds went well beyond what was recorded that day. The Mic Drop was in order and Fuck You, Appholes completed. That was about six or seven years ago now and I may have peeped those results four or five times out of curiousity.

 It's become quite easy to tell when a new trail system becomes under attack by a legion of appholes. The amount of abuse can almost be shocking, as trails that have not had time to get compacted from responsible use are much more sensitive. The skid ruts, off-trail tracks, widening, corner-cutting, braiding, and lines of inexperience being set that would be inherently slow on mature trails that appholes create in their quest for the egotistic rewards of being marked by the app as some Homeric deed is inherently ridiculous to anyone with an IQ above room temperature. Give those narcissistic types a heavy motorized vehicle that the "industry" is now selling with which to feed their fragile egos and this is compounding the threat to our public lands. Yes, *our* public lands and when the selfish feel that because they are part of *our*, they can do whatever they wish, even outside of laws and etiquette. They are commiting crimes against everyone in the communities they thrash upon.

 I did peep the app once in the past year to confirm apphole complicity in a wave of abuse on a few newer trail systems I'm familiar with. The abusers seem to be using pseudonyms or incomlete profile information, as if they are in fact knowingly fucking shit up and do not wish to be held responsible for illegal activities such as damaging public property or poaching yet to be opened trails under construction. This is how chickenshits roll, unless the definition of chickenshit has changed to suit fragile egotists. The notion of getting back on the app to tell these inhumans that they truly suck crossed my mind, but only for about a second. This may bring about something else they may desire, such as recognition or validity, but they deserve neither and that took a whole second, followed by a hearty laugh. They already know they suck, but just don't have the mental capacity, integrity, or honesty to admit it, which is the root of apphole Modus Operandi.

Riders Come and Go, Kooks Accumulate

Spotlighting

 

 The way the various forms of media influence the masses to worship those who may hold certain celebrity status in any realm creates a myriad of woes (and "Whoah!"s). The gushing, fawning, peeping, creeping, stalking, drooling foolishness takes all types of forms, from just a stupid comment, to homicidal acts. I have been guilty of the stupid comment once and it was a lesson learned. Friends called me out on it after the fact and that, along with a little restrospection told me to not be anybody's fool. I knew better and had not made any comment previously that was frowned upon. In fact, one such incident brought a kind response and genuine smile from Michael Jordan at RDU in the late Spring of 1990 while he was in the midst of others in the concourse who were fawning and gushing with banal and predictable pap. Originality and Sincerity is Human and most recognize this. Even so, it's often best to give people room and only have something to say if asked. The situations that go beyond the simple stupid comment are a whole other thing, really.

 When narcissists, sociopaths, and others with mental issues take the celebrity worship too far, it gets ugly fast. Often it appears to be driven by jealousy, ego, or some other self-centered ailment, with the perpetrator wanting to somehow dominate someone who they could never hold a candle to and this is sadly true in the mountain biking realm. I've witnessed the stupid comments at events (and on the trail), as well as other weirdness from the "trying too hard to be somebody" set. They want into what their perception of the "cool kids club" is so badly and their stumbling and bumbling becomes so severe, it renders them an outcast. I've yet to hear of anything being taken too far in this light, however there's always a first time. The problem for a perpetrator of evil here is that their fitness (both mental and physical) are most likely no match for a confrontation and things will probably not end well for them. The moral of the story? Just shut the fuck up and ride your bike. If you can't handle something so delightfully simple as that, you are the problem and should find something else to feed your fragile ego.

Riders Come and Go, Kooks Accumulate