The Barge

 Bargers Gonna Barge, as the above deviant did off-road in Death Valley National Park. It seems fitting that they have a tailgate pad for shuttling bicycles, which does not leave me wondering how they most likely conduct themselves whilst astride their mountain bikes. There are many forms of the barge in the mountain bike realm and all of them have one thing in common, they are perpetrated by uncaring egotists.

 The Trailhead Barges also take on many forms, the most common being the overbearingly loud music barge. Irregardless of what the barger is listening to, who gives a flying fuck what music pumps you up for a ride? Headphones were made for a reason, to prevent others from having to listen to your Kenny G at the trailhead. A more peculiar trailhead barge is the dipshit who parks right up on your vehicle in an otherwise empty parking lot. I've had to move my vehicle to be able to load bikes on several occasions such as this. We could also add the trailhead lot speeders and Mickey Thompson wannabes, raising dust clouds for everyone to choke on as their clapped-out Subaru coughs and sputters through it all. Sad

 On the trail, the most egregious barge to Riders IMO is the "taking a break and as others approach going the same direction, jumping back on the bike and taking off" syndrome. This is most often accomplished by subpar mountain bikers who believe their own bullshit. They also tend to not yield to Riders that they have jumped out on who wish to pass, unless vociferously commanded to do so. The most obvious barge is those who don't comprehend and/or just ignore the basics of yielding the trail properly. These booger-eaters barge on everyone and anyone, most often habitually. Though there are several other on-trail barges, such as cutting corners and other craptastic trail-widening kook maneuvers, one other is worth special mention. It's akin to the yielding issues, however is largely based on misogyny. Many littledick male mountain bikers will not allow their fragile egos be "bested" by female Riders. I've witnessed this many times over the years and have had to call perpetrators out for it several times. Of course this is a case where someone who believes their own bullshit, basing their misdeed solely on the gender of the Rider who wishes to pass. Again, Sad

 The Localism Barge is the most odd to me. It reeks of ineptitude in most cases I've witnessed, whereas those who commit these acts of idiocy seemingly wish to convey some demented version of "I'll show them!" In one place I previously frequented, the "locals" committed barges almost every time I was there. The most amusing to me was when they tried to jump on my wheel and were left choking on dust. It became so bad, I joined an app just to let them know how truly lame they are. The practitioners of this particular barge rarely stray from the comfort of their realm and in the quest to rule their pissant domain, shall forever be condemned to mediocrity at best. Yeah, Sad

Riders Come and Go, Kooks Accumulate

Dumb Downers

 We've all seen it, parts of trails where those with a lack of regard for both their limited skillset and proper trail etiquette have dumbed-down a singletrack into either a braided mess, or twelve foot wide abomination that even a novice ATVer could traverse with ease. One may classify this as trail sanitization, as it most certainly is, however I feel that this is far more prevalent than the misguided work of foolish individuals who tear rocks out of a slightly (or highly) technical section trail bed to suit their own lack of abilities.

Why this form of trail destruction is more prevalent would be that it takes much less effort, in fact it's most often as simple as not heeding to the basic trail etiquette tenet, "Control Your Bicycle". Those who actually control their bicycles on a singletrack stay in the tread, taking care ("care" being key) to not cut corners, blow turns, or braid the trail from the originally designed trail bed. The Dumb Downers are a horribly narcissistic lot and their misguided deeds destroy public trail resources seemingly everywhere.

 The motivations of the Dumb Downers are most likely very broad, however ego appears to be the main cause. Egotistical individuals don't like to admit they lack skill, etiquette or fitness, amongst other qualities that responsible trail users often possess. One of the most common old school rules of the trail is, "If you can't ride it, walk it.". The fragile ego of a Dumb Downer is unable to accept this age-old rule and thus will modify the trail to suit themselves, with zero regard for the public lands they are denigrating. In the case of ego-driven Appholes in this light, one person may have the (dis)ability to turn a singletrack into a truck trail width route through repetitive abuses, just to feed their ego and attain the joke status of "legend" or some other bullshit level of Appholiness. Pathetic 

 The moral of the story here (as it appears everywhere in the MTB realm) is to respect our public lands and if you don't, find another hobby. The true enthusiasts begin with respect for themselves, their (RL, not some internet garbage-bin) community, and the facilities we all are supposed to share. Remember, just because you can't navigate a portion of trail, it doesn't mean that others lack that ability. If you are a Dumb Downer, please heed the first sentence of this paragraph, or toss ego aside and LEARN. Though I've participated in an MTB lifestyle for several decades now, I refuse to stop learning and seek out trails that probably frighten egotists because pushing my bike up what I may not be able to ride cleanly today is a place where tomorrow may be the day my desire to learn gives it what for.

Riders Come and Go, Kooks Accumulate

Spotlighting

 

 The way the various forms of media influence the masses to worship those who may hold certain celebrity status in any realm creates a myriad of woes (and "Whoah!"s). The gushing, fawning, peeping, creeping, stalking, drooling foolishness takes all types of forms, from just a stupid comment, to homicidal acts. I have been guilty of the stupid comment once and it was a lesson learned. Friends called me out on it after the fact and that, along with a little restrospection told me to not be anybody's fool. I knew better and had not made any comment previously that was frowned upon. In fact, one such incident brought a kind response and genuine smile from Michael Jordan at RDU in the late Spring of 1990 while he was in the midst of others in the concourse who were fawning and gushing with banal and predictable pap. Originality and Sincerity is Human and most recognize this. Even so, it's often best to give people room and only have something to say if asked. The situations that go beyond the simple stupid comment are a whole other thing, really.

 When narcissists, sociopaths, and others with mental issues take the celebrity worship too far, it gets ugly fast. Often it appears to be driven by jealousy, ego, or some other self-centered ailment, with the perpetrator wanting to somehow dominate someone who they could never hold a candle to and this is sadly true in the mountain biking realm. I've witnessed the stupid comments at events (and on the trail), as well as other weirdness from the "trying too hard to be somebody" set. They want into what their perception of the "cool kids club" is so badly and their stumbling and bumbling becomes so severe, it renders them an outcast. I've yet to hear of anything being taken too far in this light, however there's always a first time. The problem for a perpetrator of evil here is that their fitness (both mental and physical) are most likely no match for a confrontation and things will probably not end well for them. The moral of the story? Just shut the fuck up and ride your bike. If you can't handle something so delightfully simple as that, you are the problem and should find something else to feed your fragile ego.

Riders Come and Go, Kooks Accumulate

eCycle + Old Manchild = Trail Mayhem

 I'm not going to ask if I can get a witness because I was the witness to the acts of the witless in this case. This particular 50/60something Colorado manchild ran amok on a trail, leaving a trail of destruction in his skidiotic wake. Not only was he skidding into almost every turn, but blowing corners and crosscutting turns were also included in his repertoire of lame. A small sampling is pictured below because a full documentation would have taken hours. 

The manchild in this case seems to have recently acquired a motorized device that now allows him to access terrain he obviously doesn't know how to handle properly. Before his recent acquisition, the damage created by his lack of skills and non-existent etiquette was very confined. Now he has the ability to get in way over his head and the immediate results are obvious. There are three likely scenarios to develop in this case; serious injury or death caused by ineptutude and/or lack of fitness, public shaming, or scaring themselves into taking up another hobby. I'm hoping for the latter of the three, don't go away angry, just go away.

Riders Come and Go, Kooks Accumulate

Desert Dickweeds

 With all of the information available to anyone with a connected deevice in their grimy paws, how does one not know the rules of any pursuit? Recently I took Backgammon back up after many years of not playing and read the rules before proceeding. It took all of about five minutes. Why then do people run amok on their mountain bikes with an inexcusable disregard for proper etiquette and degrade the environment with their blatant ignorance? There appears to be a myriad of reasons and pointing a finger at entitlement is probably the easiest cover-all, however sloth and other negative aspects of the inhuman condition are complicit as well.

 Though the IMBA rules of the trail cover the basics well enough for anyone beyond a third grade reading comprehension level, it's too basic to explain a few details that are especially important in desert environs to those who found themselves sat in a corner with a dunce cap on. The most important item of note is the base of all life forms in many deserts, Cryptobiotic Soil. The microorganisms contained within Cryptobiotic Crust are ground zero for all desert life where they occur and when they are damaged and eliminated, they take decades or even centuries to recover. A saying to bring awareness to this that isn't used enough anymore is, "Don't Bust The Crust". One irresponsible person on a mountain bike in the desert is bad enough, but when others of the same ilk see tracks and convince themselves that it's not bad form, life disappears in the desert.

 Riding wet trails in the desert is largely based on soil composition. While riding trails that have high sand content allows for more more moisture content without damaging the tread, many desert trails have a combination of soil types. Once the loam runs out and shale takes over the trail bed, those with a self-imposed cluelessness and deep wallets to replace drivetrains can utterly destroy a trail. Sensible trail users turn around at this point and cause no harm, whereas the DGAFs continue on in their blissful ignorance.

 When land managers are made aware of damages caused by such rampant disregard, they have a tendency to be less supportive of the user group(s) responsible. It's easy for anyone with one iota of common sense to realize that if wanton destruction such as this is going to create fiscal strain to their lands, the damages may not be repaired and future facilities could get reduced consideration.

Riders Come and Go, Kooks Accumulate